I'm in a happy and depressed mood!

I'm happy! Because I received happy news! Okay, I guess it ain't really happy news, but eh, it's damn good news! So now I guess I can start to be really very happy everyday! Because the news is so happy and er..

Damn, what am I talking about.

I'm in a rather good mood, 'cause I did get some news which made me glad for quite a bit. I guess it was really something I had been worried about throughout the past many months. Perhaps now I'd save on tears. Yes, it's that good. (:
At last, there's some sort of an answer to it, and well, hope. It brightens my day, which seriously helps a lot.

Well, maybe I'd been worrying too much, but I don't know.

Besides being happy, I'm actually.. I don't know. Depressed, I guess. Yeah, at the same time. So it's a tad bit confusing, since I don't even know how I'm actually feeling.

I think you're right. I am feeling bad. But that actually triggered a train of thoughts. All the time I didn't think of it that way; why I was feeling that way. Yeah, I do feel bad. Very.
I've always said things that I never did accomplish. My mom nags at me sometimes for playing so much of the computer. Guess I never really took in any of those advice. But everytime my results came back, she wouldn't scold me - same with this time. Throughout the year I'd never really been good, and I can safely say I frequently disobeyed her and all. Still, she did things like sending me to and fro, and even helping out so much during events like the squad outing, even though it was, in a way, a loss to her. And when my sucky results came, she even said it isn't too bad. But it is, it's so damned bad. She offered to get me a tutor, especially for my Math, 'cause she knew right from the start that my Math was just about the weakest of all my subjects. And she said I'll have to buck up on the rest of the subjects I'm weak at.

And that's about all. Even though I was way behind all of my classmates. She didn't give me a lashing, nor whack me.

Yes, I feel so fucking guilty. I wonder exactly what I've been doing all the time.
Well, I don't know if I'll ever change. Addiction is difficult to overcome. I swear you should never try getting hooked onto the computer. It sucks real bad.

I feel so emo now, but today is such an emo and gay day. Hooray.

---

Smalling, don't give up. And don't even think about leaving us! You just do the best you can, and if you need any help, we'll definitely put in all our combined efforts to help you. We're all behind you; believe in yourself.

~

I think after this, I realised that the squadmates closer to me are just too important and they mean a lot to me. Imagine if one day Liboon is gone. I mean, of course not, but it's an example. We'll have no more laughingheads and so much will be missing. Living one day in school without Liboon's laughter or weirdo-ness is amazing and er, weird, no?
Having squadmates is actually quite a new and.. nice thing. Like Liboon said, there's just a special bond behind that word. There's no definite meaning to it; it's for us to find out.
I just want to thank all the people who've been there all the time; Liboon, Yixi, Jade, YingYing, Lydia, HengGuang, Wenny, Janson ... so many more.
But also, Pontianak. Okay fine, SHIMIN. :D
Sorry I'm always disappearing halfway or er, just going out of class and going to find my squadmates and everything. And even though I always bully you, don't take it to heart arh. :D
Thanks so much. Love you guys. (: